After arriving in this country at age 20, proud, confused, and alone, I faced every crisis and made every mistake imaginable. Mentors put me together every time as God forged my life. I am my faults, mistakes, and lessons but the label that fits my advances best is blessed.
Unlike me, my two children are good-to-the-core pure souls. They respect their mom and teachers. Both are in medical schools becoming Physician-Scientists with a few more years to go. They spend carefully, are financially secure, and look good. Once again, I am back in God’s court. This time I am praying for my children.
Confession. I’ve consumed all my children’s free time. Even when they were in medical school, I roped them into helping me write my books, shape my talks, review my videos, and grow a family business. Sadly, I saw my selfish grip on their energy only in the rearview mirror. Like some immigrant parents, I snatched their time in wanting to listen to their week’s ups and downs. They dutifully sacrificed friendships and other interests. Indian parents are particularly cruel to our children. We don’t permit our children to have romantic relationships before marriage.
Suddenly, my son is 28 and studying in LA and daughter is 26 studying in Chicago. Like every parent, I ask the same questions:
- When and how will children find loving companions?
- How will they balance the pursuit of excellence, fitness, and curiosity? And
- How much will their mates accept my bond?
At 28 and 26, how old should their mates be? Children their age are relationship-hardened. Some have passed the altar before. My children, dreamy idealists who intentionally shuttered advances are novices in romantic relationships. Both had friends who might have made good mates. But they didn’t wait. Children plowed ahead, in education and in helping me.
Powerless to reach into the rearview mirror, I don’t know how to help find the Lego pieces to fit fulfilling lives for children and their mates.
Almighty God, this is my prayer. My eyes and ears are open and alert. As always, I am counting on you to shine the light.
What advice should I give to my children?
- Find similar-age mates who are also new to romance and dreamy about life? Or
- Focus on shared values and not on age or past relationships? Or
- Don’t worry or rush. What’s destined to happen will happen at the right time.
If God’s miracle is to come through your guidance, I am listening.